Embrace Vulnerability

Dec 1st, 2022

As I have grown older, I have learned to embrace my “vulnerability”. I define what makes me vulnerable. Often, it is my past mistakes that make me embarrassed, all the things I want to deny and never think about again. The moments where I embarrassed myself, where I did or said something regrettable. Anything that I would want to cover up to project the illusion that I am a strong, independent person who doesn’t need therapy, who always has their emotions under control. On my good days all that is true. On my bad days, the reality is that I am human who experiences the bad with the good. Accepting our own vulnerability shows strength of character. It allows us to see that we can change ourselves for the better and grants freedom from social fears.

An individual's sense of vulnerability is as unique as the individual

I think that in our society we are taught to hide negative emotions. We shy away from watching someone else in mourning because we are uncomfortable. Experiencing a disability, mental health issue, or negative emotional event affects everyone’s ability to navigate life. Watching someone else navigate such negative experiences when we are in a stable and desired position should be relegated to the movies, not what is seen on the street outside our houses. This stigma still echoes in our society and is difficult to overcome, especially if avoidance is what we are taught as children.

We never know what other people have experienced that they may not wish to share.

I learned that if I embrace my vulnerability in a healthy way, knowing that I am affected by my past, I’ll get through the embarrassment and anxiousness by recognizing where my hang-ups are so I can work to overcome them little by little. Being mindful is the most helpful for me. If I find I am trying to be too mindful, then I likely am not in a good relationship or space. By being too mindful I relate to past experiences as having to pick my words very, very carefully and still be misunderstood after. Balance is very important.

Avoid unhealthy vulnerability, or seek professional help!

Part of my personal vulnerability is not being able to ask for help. This is a matter of not being able to read people correctly due to past experience. Asking clarifying questions can help me counter the little voice in my head that tells me “People don’t care”. If I cannot tell if someone near me is angry, frustrated, or having some emotion I am missing, then I need to ask. If I am having some anxiety with someone, talking to them helps me calm down the most. However, I still need to learn how to chill when it comes to exams and deadlines. Exams may become a thing of the past as I leave academia, but work deadlines will always be something I will deal with.

Everyone can have trouble with interpersonal communication.

Most feelings of vulnerability come from individual experience. Everyone’s sense of vulnerability is different for the same reason. The path to accept that vulnerability also looks unique for each person. I acknowledge that I have come a long way in healing the trauma that makes me vulnerable, and I am better now than I was yesterday which is a success in my perspective.